Tired of Life

Despite enduring the loss of all four parents, facing incarceration, experiencing two divorces, and overcoming significant mental health challenges, I remain optimistic, hopeful, and grateful. I am in good physical shape, surrounded by supportive friends and family, and I engage in activities that bring me joy, all while living a life of authenticity and purpose.

However, I do harbor concerns. I dread the possibility of being unable to engage in the activities I cherish. The thought of losing my ability to hike, drive, or lead workshops is troubling. I fear the loss of independence and the need for others to care for me. The idea of dying alone is daunting, as is the possibility of becoming irrelevant in a world that no longer seems to need me.

A mix of these fears could easily lead to a sense of fatigue with life itself.

Dr. Els van Wijngaarden, a care ethicist and associate professor at Radboud University, conducted a revealing study in the Netherlands. It identified five key reasons that elderly individuals, who do not suffer from terminal illnesses or severe mental health issues, may feel weary of living.

#1: The Pain of Isolation

Participants reported feelings of loneliness despite being surrounded by others—children, partners, friends, or caregivers. They expressed dissatisfaction with the quality of their relationships, feeling that they lacked the emotional reciprocity and support they craved. This led them to embody the sentiment, “I’m surrounded by people and still feel alone.”

#2: The Suffering of Irrelevance

Some felt that society no longer valued their existence. As others took on their previous roles, they experienced a sense of loss regarding their contributions to family, community, and future generations. This sense of purposelessness was heartbreaking; many participants longed to contribute but felt sidelined.

#3: Loss of Self-Expression

The inability to engage in activities that reflect their individuality and identity was prevalent. Many participants could no longer pursue meaningful projects or share new ideas, leading to a loss of identity. A woman who once delighted in painting shared her sorrow over losing this passion due to a vision impairment.

#4: Comprehensive Exhaustion

A significant number of participants experienced what is termed "multidimensional tiredness"—an overwhelming fatigue often accompanied by a negative outlook. They grappled with physical ailments, emotional distress, and a pervasive listlessness that left them feeling unfulfilled.

#5: Anxiety About Dependency

Many expressed fear and shame about the prospect of relying on others due to inevitable physical decline. The thought of entering a nursing home was particularly distressing, as they associated it with a loss of dignity and identity.

Experiencing any of these five factors near the end of life is a prospect I would dread, as would many others.

Cultural Influences & Mindsets

In many Western societies, such as the United States, individualism often takes precedence over communal needs. In contrast, Japan, renowned for its high life expectancy, exhibits a more collective culture that prioritizes group welfare over personal desires.

Individuals in independent cultures strive for autonomy and personal achievement. Consequently, losing these elements often leads to a desire to withdraw from life. Conversely, those in interdependent cultures benefit from greater social support and tend to lead purposeful lives, even if they are less focused on personal success.

Older adults in Western countries are more likely to live alone compared to their counterparts in Asian nations, where multigenerational living is more common. This difference contributes to the greater sense of connection and reduced loneliness among seniors in those regions.

Dan Buettner's research into "blue zones"—areas with high populations of centenarians—reveals that social connectivity is crucial for longevity. In Western societies, aging is frequently linked with negativity, while in Japan, it is viewed through a lens of value and renewal.

The Western obsession with combating aging and death reveals a cultural disconnect. Titles like "Cheating Death: The New Science of Living Longer" reflect a widespread struggle to accept the natural progression of life.

Another Approach

At our core, all humans share fundamental needs: the desire to be seen, heard, understood, and loved, alongside the need for belonging. Loneliness, a loss of identity, and feelings of uselessness can stem from failing to meet these basic needs.

When older individuals wish to contribute but feel overlooked, they may begin to question their place in the world. We must strive to help our elders feel valued and included. Creating more community events that incorporate all generations can foster connection and belonging, as seen in blue zone communities where individuals of all ages engage meaningfully.

We should also seek to provide platforms for elders to share their stories, ensuring they feel acknowledged and understood. Imagine a TEDx event solely featuring speakers aged 70 and above—what a rich tapestry of wisdom that would present!

We must take responsibility for changing the behaviors that contribute to a loss of will to live. Chronic loneliness can shorten lifespans by as much as 15 years. Cultivating strong relationships now is essential to combat loneliness in later life.

Participating in purposeful activities is another way to maintain a zest for life, even in the later stages. Many older adults still possess the capacity to volunteer, create, teach, and engage in fulfilling endeavors. In blue zones, living with purpose is a daily reality.

Finally, we need to shift our perspectives on aging and death. Rather than viewing death as the tragic end, let’s consider it a motivator—a gentle reminder of the brevity of life. This awareness can encourage us to focus on the present, to live boldly, and to strive to leave the world a better place than we found it.

The first video, "The Man Who Can Predict How Long You Have Left To Live (To The Nearest Month): Gary Brecka | E225," explores the concept of mortality and how understanding our time can impact our approach to life.

The second video, "y'all, i'm tired of society telling us how to exist," discusses societal pressures and the quest for authentic living, highlighting the importance of personal agency in defining one's life.