# Embracing Life Through the City of Light and Love
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Chapter 1: The Regrets of Life
In our quest for understanding, we often turn to the experiences of others. Recently, I found myself drawn to an article discussing the regrets of those nearing the end of life. It was a topic that resonated with me, especially after writing about regret myself. The author, Sara Burdick, has a background in hospice care, which piqued my interest, especially since my daughter is also a hospice nurse.
What Do People Wish They Had Done Differently?
A common theme among patients facing their final moments is their regret over unfulfilled desires—many expressed sorrow for not having traveled more.
My Complex Relationship with Travel
Travel is not something I yearn for. While I don’t anticipate my own death anytime soon, I can confidently say I won’t be lamenting, “I wish I had traveled more.”
My friend Carla, an avid traveler, often shares her plans for exciting adventures, from safaris to camel rides near the pyramids. She frequently asks, “How can you not enjoy traveling?”
If “travel” means hauling luggage from city to city, unpacking in strange accommodations, and navigating public transport, I would prefer to stay home. Sure, I’m curious about camels and giraffes, but the thought of enduring the hassle to see them in person makes the zoo seem much more appealing.
Living in Paris: A Double-Edged Sword
Ironically, I have spent the last two decades living in various locations, including Paris—an iconic destination for travelers. Despite my location, I often find myself complaining about the city. My partner, a diplomat, has taken our life there as a given, yet I still feel tethered to my home in New York, where I have friends and family.
When my partner received her first posting in Paris back in late 2008, I chose not to join her. I wanted to watch my grandsons grow up and stay connected to my life in New York. This back-and-forth arrangement lasted for eleven years, denying me the chance to truly experience Paris.
I can almost hear the collective gasp of readers thinking, “How could you complain about living in Paris?” Yes, I know how fortunate I am, yet it’s not as straightforward as it seems.
Chapter 2: Acceptance and Growth
A year after my partner was appointed Ambassador to France, the pandemic hit, and I found myself stuck in Paris. Initially, I expected more of the same, just extended. However, after more than a year, I realized that living in Paris has taught me more about myself than I anticipated.
Redefining My Relationship with Places
Just because others find joy in places like Paris doesn’t mean I have to conform to those expectations. I can be curious about how others reflect on their lives, but ultimately, my path is mine to define. Blindly following societal norms can feel like trying to fit into ill-fitting clothes—uncomfortable and suffocating.
To quote a fictional character from Saturday Night Live, the pressure to conform often leads to a lot of “should-ing”—doing what others deem correct. Instead, we should embrace our individuality, much like Becky Diamond did when she chose to ignore the societal expectations of motherhood and listen to her inner voice.
You Bring Yourself Wherever You Go
Every place, whether it’s Paris or New York, serves as a backdrop for our life’s narrative, complete with changing characters and scenery. Despite the different languages and customs, I remain the same person. In Paris, I continue to cook, socialize, meet new people, and write. What is there truly to complain about?
No place is without its flaws. When I voice my frustrations about my surroundings, I often overlook my blessings.
Paris is a breathtaking city, but if I could merge it with the people I love in New York, it might just be perfect. Yet, New York lacks the charm of the Eiffel Tower and the exquisite croissants that Paris offers. Each city has its unique appeal, and perhaps we don’t need it all in one place.
Building Relationships: A Two-Way Street
Maintaining a relationship requires commitment from both parties, even when one is a city. A therapist would likely agree that if one partner is always looking for an exit, the relationship may struggle. I spent years visiting Paris intermittently, always returning because my partner lived there, yet I had never fully committed to the city itself.
When I returned in December 2021, the pandemic restricted my ability to leave, and surprisingly, I found myself wanting to stay. I began to build a relationship with Paris, and it felt right to embrace this chapter.
The Importance of Challenging Yourself
Embracing challenges is essential for a fulfilling life. Whether it’s learning a new skill, meeting new people, or making significant life changes, stepping outside your comfort zone fosters growth. Life presents its own challenges, and whether we see them coming or not, embracing them helps us feel vibrantly alive.
It may feel risky to invest in what you love, but the rewards of feeling passionately alive far outweigh the comfort of predictability. I am grateful that Paris pushed me beyond my comfort zone, reminding me to “look for the good,” as my wise friend Zelda would say. There is so much beauty here if only I choose to see it.
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