Chapter 1: The Essence of Erotic Self-Focus

The concept of erotic self-focus might initially evoke thoughts of masturbation; however, it refers to a different phenomenon. This term emphasizes the ability to derive arousal from oneself, often surpassing the attraction felt towards a partner. It appears to be a significant aspect of female sexuality, contrasting with male experiences.

In her research, sexologist Marta Meana posed a thought-provoking question to women: “Would you want to sleep with you?” The overwhelming response was affirmative, suggesting that many women had already internalized this notion. In stark contrast, men often struggled to grasp the question, according to Wednesday Martin, author of Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Know About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong And How The New Science Can Set Us Free.

For women, the journey to sexual satisfaction involves recognizing themselves as alluring and wanted. They need to feel attractive not just to their partners but to themselves. This creates a delicate balance—if women perceive themselves as unappealing, their ability to attract others diminishes.

However, this self-perception should not be confused with self-objectification, where women may lose sight of their authentic selves due to societal judgments. In cases of self-objectification, the focus shifts from genuine feelings to an obsession with external appearances. In contrast, erotic self-focus allows women to appreciate their own bodies without losing their sense of self.

Meana emphasizes the independent nature of female sexuality, noting that women in her studies were not solely focused on their partners but often directed their attention to their own bodies. As she put it, “Women’s arousal may depend on their erotic relationships with themselves to a greater extent than is the case among men.”

To explore this idea, Meana conducted a study where participants were asked to envision having sex in front of a large mirror. The findings revealed that women tended to spend significantly more time gazing at themselves compared to men.

This behavior is neither narcissistic nor self-objectifying. Instead, it illustrates that, for many heterosexual women, their own bodies are primary sources of eroticism. This aligns with the saying that women dress primarily for themselves, then for other women, and lastly for men.

Meana identifies the core of female sexuality as the desire to be desired, but emphasizes that women seek more than mere objectification; they want to be appreciated for their entirety. This could explain why women find their own attractiveness so enticing—they perceive themselves more holistically than they might be viewed by men.

Women do not merely admire individual features; they recognize how these elements contribute to their overall essence. A woman embodies more than just physical allure; she represents love, creativity, and growth, embodying the primal energy of Shakti.

For centuries, this powerful sexual energy within women has been suppressed by patriarchal structures that prioritized male pleasure and reproductive utility. Up until the 18th century, even medical texts overlooked the nuances of female anatomy, viewing women merely as vessels for childbirth.

The clitoris, uniquely designed for pleasure, has historically been ignored and misrepresented in medical discourse. This long-standing disregard highlights the struggle women face in reclaiming their sensuality and erotic potential.

In ancient cultures of the Near and Middle East, sexual customs reflected a natural acceptance of female sexuality, often devoid of concerns about paternity. However, with the advent of patriarchal ideologies, these practices were condemned, leading to rigid sexual moralities aimed at controlling women's sexual freedoms.

As noted by Merlin Stone in When God Was A Woman, the patriarchal system sought to impose restrictions on women's sexuality, emphasizing the need for virginity and fidelity to maintain control over paternity.

I view erotic self-focus as a pathway for women to reclaim their intrinsic sexual rights, previously stifled by societal constraints. Embracing the inner sex goddess not only empowers women but also enhances their connection with partners. Continued research into erotic self-focus and female desire is essential for helping women rediscover the aspects of themselves that ignite their passions.

Chapter 2: The Desire to Be Truly Wanted

Women yearn for genuine desire, seeking appreciation rather than objectification.

Chapter 3: The Untamed Woman

The wild and free-spirited woman may seem intimidating, yet she is essential.

Chapter 4: Sacred Sexuality in History

In ancient reverence for the Divine Ancestress, sexuality was a sacred expression.