Finding Joy Beyond the Battlefield: My Journey After Call of Duty
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Chapter 1: My Initial Encounter with Call of Duty
My introduction to Call of Duty occurred during middle school at my cousin's house. As a kid lacking reflexes, I was swiftly defeated in the game, leaving me with a record of one kill against thirty-two deaths.
Yet, there was something undeniably enjoyable about the chaotic nature of online battle royales, where players engage in frenetic clashes. The blend of luck and skill created a captivating experience.
As I reflect on it now, the game mechanics were likely therapeutic in nature, contributing to the addictive quality of the gameplay. The satisfying "tick" when hitting a target and the adrenaline rush of spotting an opponent around a corner provided a series of small highs—a constant test of reflexes over several minutes.
Years later, around 2011, I decided to purchase Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. Though it had been out for a while, its online community was still vibrant. That's when I became deeply immersed, logging over 1,000 hours during college while others enjoyed outdoor activities or socializing. My gaming sessions would extend from morning until evening on weekends.
I improved significantly, not reaching professional player status but consistently ranking between first and third in points during matches. For a long time, it was simply a fun pastime. While there were occasional cheaters, they did not heavily impact the gameplay.
Back then, most communication happened through text, with voice chat being rare. Playing felt like a personal challenge, akin to competing against skilled bots. Occasionally, I encountered amusing and friendly players, allowing me to form friendships within the gaming community—a sentiment echoed in games like Diablo 2 and World of Warcraft.
Section 1.1: The Shift in My Gaming Experience
However, everything started to change. The catalyst for this shift was my declining emotional well-being.
After graduation, I grew increasingly disenchanted with adult life. My job, though not terrible, felt more like a trap than an opportunity for growth. The monotony of work, combined with a lack of social opportunities in a small town, exacerbated my loneliness. Making friends as an introvert was challenging, and dating prospects were nearly nonexistent.
This dissatisfaction eventually seeped into every aspect of my life. What was once an escape became a reflection of my daily struggles—a reminder of my inadequacies. Winning became a necessity rather than a source of fun. I found myself questioning my worth based on my gaming performance.
With the changing landscape of online gaming, more players began using microphones, leading to a surge in trolling and harassment. Insults escalated from harmless banter to deeply offensive and violent remarks. I was subjected to racial slurs and other derogatory comments during matches, which felt like a criminal offense rather than mere smack talk.
Cheating became prevalent, with many players resorting to aim bots and wall hacks. While this may seem trivial to non-gamers, the frustrations I faced after a long day at work were compounded by unfair experiences in a space meant to be my escape.
Section 1.2: The Impact of Gaming on My Mental Health
My frustrations in gaming mirrored my real-life disappointments. The moral outrage I felt over cheating in games represented a broader societal issue—inequity and a lack of accountability in life. The injustices I witnessed in both gaming and reality fueled my anger, creating a cycle of resentment.
After three years of this toxic cycle, I finally decided to step back. A moment of introspection led me to question whether I was becoming an incel after a particularly disappointing date. I realized that my gaming habits were detrimental to my happiness.
Quitting Call of Duty was not the sole reason for my newfound happiness, but it served as a crucial catalyst for change. I understood that I had the power to walk away from the game and the negativity it brought into my life.
Chapter 2: Embracing a New Path
The first video titled "Why You Should QUIT Call of Duty" explores the potential benefits of stepping away from gaming and how it can lead to a happier life.
I left my job for a better opportunity and relocated to a more vibrant city. I committed to improving my physical health and developing my skills. Most importantly, I worked on letting go of preconceived notions about others, which allowed my friendships to flourish and new connections to form without the weight of anger.
It's surprising how many individuals may find themselves in a similar situation. They may not recognize how an online game or hobby can significantly impact their emotional well-being. Just as social media has been linked to mental health issues, online gaming can also serve as an escape—one that may lead to unexpected emotional turmoil.
I still enjoy gaming but steer clear of online multiplayer experiences, except for the occasional foray into Diablo 2 Resurrected and Final Fantasy XIV. While societal frustrations persist, they no longer consume me as they once did.
Instead of exacerbating my anger, I’ve learned that managing my emotions requires changing my environment. By distancing myself from Call of Duty, I removed the negative aspects of gaming from my life.
No more dealing with cheaters.
No more harassment or verbal abuse.
No more dwelling on life’s unfairness.
If you find yourself in a similar predicament, consider putting aside that video game or social media account. Remember: "Control your anger before it controls you."
The second video, "Why Everyone Is Quitting Their Job To Play Call of Duty," discusses how many people are leaving their jobs in pursuit of gaming and the implications it has on their lives.