Chapter 1: The Burden of Expectations

In moments of exhaustion, I find myself grappling with feelings of frustration and an urgent desire for tranquility.

Life can be overwhelming, and I often wonder when it became this challenging. Despite adhering to the expected path—making sacrifices and putting in hard work—the rewards seem insufficient. With rising costs, the comforts I once took for granted now feel unattainable. I used to earn a decent living, but now I find myself barely getting by. Essential repairs around the house loom large, and I’m growing weary of these relentless burdens.

What steps am I taking to change my situation? I’m pursuing my dream of writing articles for renowned magazines like Rolling Stone, The Atlantic, or The New Yorker. The compensation for this endeavor? Not nearly enough.

There was a time in my earlier career when my prayers were simple—not for success but for a reprieve from the anxiety that often plagued my professional life. Prayer became a means to quell the chaos in my mind, a reminder to breathe deeply and trust that things would eventually align. The notion that there was someone overseeing the disorder was a comforting thought, regardless of its truth.

Peace—something so many of us yearn for.

A few years back, the outdoor retailer REI produced a brief documentary highlighting a "Trail Angel" in the 100-Mile Wilderness of Baxter State Park in Maine. These individuals offer support to long-distance hikers through small yet impactful acts of kindness, known as “trail magic.”

Typically found along the Appalachian Trail and Pacific Crest Trail, these altruistic souls provide relief and assistance to those undertaking challenging journeys on foot. Their contributions range from leaving treats for hikers to setting up small hospitality areas. Some even offer rides into town.

The documentary featured a man named Paul Stiffler, a toy maker who sought solace in nature following a nervous breakdown. Known as Ponytail Paul on the trail, he poignantly stated, “The hardest part is trying to look normal when your whole world is on fire. That’s why I like the woods. It’s just so peaceful and so beautiful. Peace. Peace of mind. That’s all I ever pray for.”

After viewing the film, I reached out, and we formed a friendship, albeit from afar. I often gaze at one of his whimsical creations—a flying pig—hanging in my office, a reminder of ambitious dreams and the drive to press on.

Contemplating happiness is one challenge, but worrying about financial security is another weight entirely. Many Americans oscillate between anxiety and outright fear, and rightfully so. It seems the political landscape has forsaken the majority of us, prioritizing power over the well-being of the people.

It’s important to clarify that the two major political parties are not equivalent. They operate on entirely different playing fields. Yet, both have compromised their integrity for the sake of maintaining their positions, leaving the rest of us to struggle while the wealthy accumulate even greater fortunes, tossing us mere crumbs to placate our discontent.

While I don’t advocate for violence or wish harm upon others, I do find myself longing for significant social upheaval that would instill fear in those politicians, business leaders, and media figures who exploit the public for profit. They deserve to face severe consequences for their actions.

Thus, I remain fatigued and frustrated. It’s a heavy load to bear.

If you resonate with my reflections, consider following my journey. For those who are not Medium subscribers, signing up allows you to access my writings and those of many other talented authors.

Connect with David Todd McCarty on Mastodon.