The Dark Era of Discontent

Reflecting on my early days, I realize I was not a confident reader. During English class, the anxiety of book rotation would grip me. As my turn approached, my mouth would go dry, my mind would go blank, sweat would pour down my face, and my heart would race as if I were sprinting in a marathon.

To cope, I often resorted to humor, attempting to divert attention from my lack of reading skills. For instance, during our discussion of 1984, a novel focused on an all-seeing government, I blurted out, "At least the pimps back home didn’t try to hide themselves!" This earned some laughs from my classmates, but my teacher was far from amused.

Her piercing blue eyes seemed to see right through my struggles. I later found myself in a counselor’s office, surrounded by my teacher, counselor, and mother, discussing my transfer assessment—a tool to evaluate my educational level. When the results were revealed, my teacher gently told me, "Tyren, your reading comprehension is at a sixth-grade level."

Now, picture being one of the oldest students in a school, yet your reading level is lower than those much younger than you. How would that feel?

It was akin to being in a twisted comedy where my academic shortcomings were the punchline. I felt like an elder statesman of ineptitude, stumbling through my education. It was both humbling and, frankly, quite sad.

Reading was the last thing I wanted to do. Having attended over 20 schools, I had mastered the art of catching up, and I was all too familiar with the exhausting cycle of barely scraping by. After passing, reading was the last thing on my mind.

A Breakthrough Moment

Years later, after taking some community college courses, I was thrilled to be accepted into a reputable university. Naturally, every student had to enroll in an English course. My excitement was palpable, but then something unexpected happened.

I had the privilege of learning from Mrs. Napier, a distinguished professor who had studied under the legendary Maya Angelou. She was a true master of literature, enriched by years of study and passion in England.

I was terrified of failing. How could I survive this Shakespearean challenge when I struggled so much in high school? The odds seemed insurmountable.

When we received our first essay grades, I felt like I was back in my old classroom, anxiously awaiting my turn to read. When I finally saw my score, I was shocked—I had earned an 85.

I couldn’t believe it—surely this was a mistake! How could I have done so well in English? Imposter syndrome kicked in. Surely, she must have felt sorry for me, so I decided to talk to her. I wanted to clarify that I didn’t need her pity (I had enough of that in high school).

She looked at me, surprised, and after a brief pause, she said in a calm and reassuring tone, "I don’t give grades out of pity. You earned it. Your ideas are strong, and you have potential."

I was overwhelmed with emotions. I never imagined someone like Mrs. Napier would say that to me. Surely, this was a joke, right? Perhaps I had just written in a style she preferred.

Other English professors echoed her sentiments, praising my writing. Their encouragement instilled the confidence I needed to pursue my newfound passion.

Following a New Path

Before I could fully embrace this journey, I had several lessons to learn.

Accept Mistakes - I often lost points for minor grammatical issues. It was frustrating, but I learned to see these mistakes as opportunities for improvement rather than failures.

Celebrate Achievements - I had to recognize that everything earned was hard-fought. I learned to look in the mirror, shatter my insecurities, and realize my worth.

Persevere - Most importantly, I pushed through, even when the path felt daunting. I reminded myself that each small step brought me closer to mastery.

It felt like discovering a key to a hidden home, filled with vibrant colors, unique designs, and intricate patterns.

Through this exploration, I deepened my appreciation for literature and discovered much about myself. I found resonance in the words of past and contemporary authors, connecting with characters who felt like old friends and wrestling with ideas that challenged my beliefs.

Just as a home offers comfort and belonging, my love for English literature became a sanctuary—a space where I could delve deeper, learn, and find solace in the beauty of language.

Embracing an Unexpected Destiny

My passion gradually evolved into a profession. What began as a distant dream transformed into an explosion of opportunities. I chose to major in English, immersing myself in everything from character analysis to the rigorous study of linguistics.

Launching my journey on Medium has been a significant leap forward—a gateway to opportunities I’ve long desired. With each article I write, I feel a tangible growth in my abilities—a steady climb up the proficiency ladder.

However, amid these victories, self-doubt lingers—a persistent voice questioning my significance among talented authors. This challenge is about more than just skill; it’s about self-belief.

What unique insights can I contribute? What uncharted territory can I explore in a field already brimming with seasoned writers? These questions often plague my confidence, casting shadows of uncertainty.

Yet, within this struggle lies the crucible of growth, where raw doubt is transformed into unwavering resolve. True inspiration emerges from confronting these uncertainties and daring to find my voice in a chorus of many.

As I navigate this complex landscape of doubt and possibility, I’m reminded that the most powerful stories aren't always told by the most skilled. Instead, they are shared by those brave enough to embrace vulnerability, speak their truth, and light the way for others seeking their voices.

Finding Joy in the Journey

This journey has been one of self-discovery, an expedition to unearth the treasures hidden deep within my soul. The most rewarding aspect has been forming genuine connections with readers.

I shared a deeply personal narrative about my "dragon mother," a poignant reflection on living with a bipolar parent. The outpouring of support from readers who had faced similar challenges was overwhelming. Their heartfelt messages resonated with me in ways that surpassed any accolades or grades.

As I read their responses and felt their emotions through the digital medium, I realized how profoundly words can touch the human heart. I came to understand that as writers, we possess a unique power to impact lives, provide comfort in times of struggle, and ignite resilience in moments of despair.

Letting Go

My mother used to say, "Man will plan, but God will laugh."

This phrase captures the essence of life’s irony. What we once dismissed can become our greatest asset. It serves as a reminder of the unpredictability of our journeys and the necessity for humility and adaptability in our plans. Embracing life’s twists and turns with grace allows us to uncover meaning amidst its contradictions.

In these unexpected moments, we discover profound growth, powerful connections, and transformative experiences. Follow these steps, and you will find yourself not at the end of a story but at the beginning of the most incredible adventure—a life filled with authenticity, resilience, and limitless possibilities.