Reflecting on My Year of Rest and Relaxation: Lessons Learned
Written on
Chapter 1: A Year in Review
As I look back on nearly three-quarters of 2024, I find myself surrounded by a mix of accomplishments and setbacks.
At the end of last year, I found myself in a state of heightened anxiety, teetering on the edge of burnout or a potential mental collapse.
How It All Started
On New Year’s Eve, I came across Ottessa Moshfegh’s novel, “My Year of Rest and Relaxation.” If you’re familiar with the book, you know it portrays a character seeking solace through a drug-induced stupor. I connected deeply with the protagonist's desire to retreat from the world and emerge renewed, although I had no intention of resorting to such extreme measures. I recognized the need for a significant change in my lifestyle to avoid dire consequences.
I embraced the phrase “Year of Rest and Relaxation” as my guiding mantra for the new year. My intention was to simply exist and see where that would lead me, freeing myself from the burdens of endless tasks and draining obligations.
Section 1.1: The Initial Transformation
As the first two months of 2024 unfolded, I noticed a shift in my mood; I was becoming a happier version of myself. With this newfound positivity came a surge of creativity and excitement. I began to rediscover my interests and sought ways to enhance my life.
One of these improvements was tackling my fear of driving. Despite obtaining my driver’s license, I had always found driving to be a source of stress. However, fueled by my newfound courage, I decided to embrace this challenge. I purchased a small used SUV—ideal for someone with anxiety like mine.
Yet, the process of registering the vehicle and the pressure of driving left me feeling overwhelmed.
“I am strong enough. I can handle this. I want to do this,” I kept telling myself, but I ultimately struggled to overcome my anxiety.
The first setback had arrived.
Subsection 1.1.1: Rediscovering Old Hobbies
Revitalized by a sense of curiosity, I revisited some of my past hobbies. In high school, I had a modest YouTube channel that I enjoyed, dreaming of a future in film—whether acting or directing.
As I rekindled my passions, I launched a new YouTube channel, immersing myself in filming, editing, and scriptwriting. However, after a few months, the joy I once felt faded, and I found myself procrastinating, treating it as a chore rather than a pleasure.
I had to confront the truth: just because I once loved something doesn’t mean I still do. This realization became a crucial lesson, guiding me to focus on goals that resonate with me while letting go of those that don’t.
Although quitting was challenging, it was necessary. I discovered that the part I truly enjoyed was writing, but I delayed pursuing it.
Section 1.2: Career Changes
During this time, my workplace was rapidly deteriorating, leading me to the decision to leave. Luckily, new job opportunities emerged for me, and after two interviews, I accepted a position with a large international company.
What I didn’t mention was the two exhausting weeks I spent preparing after work, which left me drained. Despite the stress, I managed to onboard at my new job within a month.
However, I soon realized that I had overlooked the challenges that awaited me in this new role.
Chapter 2: The Summer of Overwhelm
The summer of 2024, my favorite season, came with its own set of challenges. It’s a whirlwind of social events, outings, and travel. Everything I wished to accomplish throughout the year seemed to be crammed into these three months, leaving me both invigorated and drained.
Summer brings a rush of energy that can be overwhelming. I found myself without free weekends to relax, leading to the next setback.
Section 2.1: The Office Return
After leaving my previous job, I didn’t anticipate how exhausting returning to an office environment would be. I had become accustomed to the comfort of working from home and was now faced with daily office interactions that drained me mentally and physically.
The first month required me to be in the office each day, and by the end, I was left feeling utterly spent. I am still grappling with this transition, and my frustration escalates daily, impacting my personal life significantly.
The Rest of 2024
With just a quarter of the year remaining, I find myself in a familiar place—seeking rest and relaxation while navigating new opportunities that have inadvertently become sources of stress. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of my original goal of tranquility, allowing anxiety to creep back in.
As I move forward, I refuse to set any expectations. Instead, I’ll focus on finding peace within my daily routine, striving to calm my overactive mind.
How has your experience in 2024 been so far? Has it been better or worse than the previous year?
