Chapter 1: The Journey of Parenting

As a parent, I once felt a twinge of guilt for introducing my son to video games at just four years old and giving my daughters their first iPhones around the age of ten. However, after reading Jonathan Haidt's bestseller, The Anxious Generation, my feelings of guilt have diminished regarding my somewhat relaxed parenting approach.

Initially, I did not have a clear vision of my parenting style when my husband Jack and I welcomed our first child at the young age of twenty-five. My primary goal was to treat my children with the same respect I desired for myself. I believed in acknowledging their intelligence and allowing them to learn from their mistakes while being available for support if needed.

Our parenting journey has not always been smooth. Our oldest child, Holden, was a challenging baby, and we soon added three daughters to our family over a span of seven years. Juggling careers and household responsibilities left us little time to engage with our kids in the same way that traditional families do. For example, we couldn't spend hours building Legos with Holden, as there were always younger siblings needing attention.

Catherine, our second daughter, took the lead in potty training her sisters, showing that they were more inspired by each other than by us. Our parenting style became free-range out of necessity, but I believe this has ultimately benefited our children.

Despite the occasional guilt I feel regarding my "half-hearted parenting," I often find myself comparing my involvement to that of other parents. Many of my peers, often from Generation X, seem to engage in more intensive parenting, organizing playdates and ensuring their kids' lives are filled with structured activities. They seem to be more involved than I can muster.

In contrast, my kids thrive when given the freedom to play independently. We established early on that they could engage in their own activities without adult intervention, whether that meant Eloise playing with her dollhouse or Holden building an intricate train track. They find joy in catching frogs, building forts in the woods, and riding bikes throughout the neighborhood.

Sure, they climb trees and sometimes get hurt, but according to Haidt and the local ER nurses, this is simply part of growing up. My children are known in our neighborhood for their tree-climbing exploits. While other kids ride scooters wearing helmets, my kids can be found scaling the branches of trees.

Holden was the first to climb high, often prompting concerned neighbors to urge him to come down. The height wasn’t always the issue; even a minor fall could lead to injury, as was the case when Sylvia broke her leg while bouncing on a low branch. This incident led us to the ER, where a nurse encouraged us not to discourage tree climbing.

In the video "Children Go Wild | Discover the Benefits of Climbing Trees | Nature Connection," the benefits of allowing children to explore nature and engage in climbing are discussed. It highlights how such activities are crucial for their development.

Later that week, Sylvia chose a colorful cast, showing her spirited personality even in adversity. Despite her injury, she quickly returned to her adventurous ways once the cast was off. All of my children have faced various injuries during their explorations, but none have dampened their zest for play.

Haidt would likely support our family's approach to fostering resilience in kids. He emphasizes the importance of free play, which he defines as activities chosen by children for their own enjoyment, not for external rewards. This type of play, especially with some inherent risks, teaches kids to navigate their environment and builds confidence.

To cultivate "antifragile kids," as Haidt puts it, we need to allow them to face risks like climbing trees, which helps them manage fears and develop essential life skills. Children who experience such freedom tend to have better mental health and social connections, setting them up for future success.

Reflecting on our family's experiences during the pandemic, I find comfort in our decision to prioritize unstructured play over organized activities. Although we put gymnastics and swim lessons on hold, we discovered that we enjoyed spending time in our backyard and home, engaging in free play.

While we may still enroll our kids in extracurricular activities, the majority of their time is spent exploring and learning independently. They've gained valuable skills, from cooking to laundry, and formed genuine friendships.

Although my children might spend more time on screens than Haidt would recommend, their inclination toward free play seems to have balanced their screen time with meaningful experiences. Ultimately, it's about finding that healthy balance.

For more insights into Anna's parenting journey with her adventurous children, check out her collection of stories.