Title: Embracing Rest Amidst a Hustle Culture
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Chapter 1: The Drive Behind the Grind
For as long as I can remember, I've been fueled by ambition and determination — or what I now recognize as anxiety and past trauma. I kept myself occupied, taking on numerous extracurricular activities. Despite my varied interests, I felt a constant need to be productive. The hustle-and-grind mentality became my norm, as I avoided confronting my emotions in the silence.
Transitioning into adulthood with this drive was no surprise. I possessed the grit to complete my undergraduate studies and pursue a postgraduate degree. Long hours and relentless effort defined my quest for the next achievement. Although I took pride in my dedication, I was utterly drained.
Years of hard work left me oblivious to the unhappiness in my personal relationships. I had pushed myself to the brink of exhaustion, unable to recognize the issues at hand — or too fatigued to address them. Eventually, I hit a breaking point, leading to a career change in search of a simpler, more balanced life.
Unexpectedly, navigating life as a single mother of two turned out to be liberating compared to being a married working mom. I crafted a fulfilling life for us and found the balance I had long desired, even managing to achieve my dreams.
However, life took another turn. Expenses rose, income declined, and I found myself hustling once more.
And once again, I faced burnout.
"Burnout is nature's way of telling you, you've been going through the motions; your soul has departed. You're a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker. False optimism is like administering stimulants to an exhausted nervous system." — Sam Keen
Chapter 2: Understanding Burnout
The truth is, I desperately need a break — some time to rest or take a vacation. However, I often find myself compromising due to financial constraints. I aim for earlier bedtimes, sneak in naps on tough days, and rearrange my schedule for a day off when possible.
For many in the working and middle classes, affording genuine relief is a challenge. Our wages do not keep pace with the rising cost of living, and a single setback can wreak havoc when living paycheck to paycheck. Maintaining balance feels like a luxury we cannot afford while in survival mode.
"Burnout is the combination of resentment, exhaustion, shame, and frustration that make us lose connection to pleasure and passion in the work, and instead encounter difficult feelings like avoidance, compulsion, control, and anxiety. If it were just exhaustion we could take a break and rest and go back. But people who feel burnt out often feel they cannot return to the work or that the group or work they were part of is toxic." — Dean Spade
Section 2.1: Strategies for Recovery
According to Harvard Business Review, several strategies can help combat burnout:
- Reducing job stress
- Prioritizing self-care
- Shifting one's perspective
- Building stronger social support
These approaches can help manage and even prevent burnout. While some articles suggest discussing concerns with a supervisor or initiating organizational change, many of us — especially entrepreneurs and gig workers — may not have that option. Sometimes, the best course of action is to reclaim control where possible and accept what lies beyond our influence.
Since quitting my job or taking an extravagant vacation isn't feasible, I focus on what I can control. As a former therapist, I share the following insights based on my experiences, though they are not a substitute for professional therapy. What works for me may not resonate with everyone.
Here are some techniques that have assisted me in managing burnout:
- Ensuring adequate sleep by hitting the hay early or sneaking in naps
- Engaging in restorative yoga practices
- Gardening and immersing myself in nature
- Practicing mindfulness exercises for grounding
- Regularly expressing gratitude
- Organizing my living space
- Declining additional commitments
- Booking sessions with my therapist
- Discussing my feelings with close friends
Nonetheless, some of my burnout coping mechanisms lean more toward mere survival, which may be relatable for many. On good days, I might manage a little yoga, tidy up, and retire early. But during particularly exhausting days, my self-care might look like this:
- Binge-watching my favorite shows
- Losing myself in novels
- Spending an entire weekend in bed
- Remaining in my pajamas all day
- Ignoring household chores in favor of TV
- Sleeping in, napping, then crashing early
- Venting or crying to a friend
- Enjoying the company of my pets
We often do the best we can, and that "best" will vary from day to day. The version of me with messy hair still in pajamas at dinner is doing her utmost — just as the high-achieving me, metaphorically conquering the world, is too. It all hinges on the day's circumstances and how we feel.
"Slowing down is a matter of ethical import. To drive oneself as if one were a machine should be recognized as a form of self-harm." — Maggie Berg
Section 2.2: Long-Term Solutions
We cannot remain in a state of burnout indefinitely — not without jeopardizing our mental and physical health. Jobs that drain our well-being must be reassessed. Our careers should not erode our overall health, and sometimes, that means devising a new plan.
Similarly, relationships shouldn't perpetually exhaust us. I've been in those relationships where I felt I was constantly trying to please others while treading on eggshells. While temporary lows in relationship satisfaction are normal, living in that state isn't. If a relationship offers no benefits, addressing burnout may necessitate leaving it.
Parenting can also lead to burnout, but stepping away from that responsibility isn't an option. We owe it to our children to provide what they need; they didn't choose to be here. Prioritizing self-care is essential for good parenting, as we must demonstrate a healthy work-life balance so our children learn to value it too.
"Burnout is not just about being too busy or feeling overwhelmed…It's feeling like your work has no purpose and you don't have support." — Richie Norton
Chapter 3: Finding Relaxation
I generally maintain a positive outlook on life. When faced with challenges, I don't stay down for long. However, I must be realistic; things have been feeling less optimistic lately. I need to decide how to address this.
I have taken practical steps to alleviate some causes of my burnout, yet I'm also exploring how to introduce more relaxation into my hectic life without exacerbating my problems. Simplicity is key. Retail therapy has lost its appeal, and I realize I already possess everything I need. When the urge to shop arises, I redirect my focus to something I have and remind myself it suffices.
I also seek relaxation through different avenues. For example, I enjoy romanticizing my life. If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it. I’m writing this amidst twinkling lights in my room, a scented candle flickering nearby, and a cozy nook beside my bookshelf. This is my sanctuary. A soft playlist accompanies me, my dog rests at my feet, and my children happily play in the background, with a cool breeze wafting through the open window. It's serene here.
I contemplate how I want to spend my time. During periods of extreme fatigue, binge-watching shows may be the self-care I need. On other days, physical activity or increased hydration may be more beneficial. While many advocate for specific self-care methods, only we can truly know what we require. Our intuition, though sometimes ignored, remains a reliable guide.
So when I spend a few weekends in pajamas, engrossed in TV or books, I embrace it. I stop critiquing myself for indulging in what feels good. I recognize that I’m managing as best as I can, and I no longer compare my "best" to others. Surviving, in itself, is something to be proud of.
Burnout is a genuine concern. We can only maintain this pace for so long before we begin to falter. I acknowledge the possibility of a breakdown and take proactive steps to prevent it. While I desire to swap my hustle-and-grind lifestyle for more rest and relaxation, I take it one day at a time, reminding myself that even small steps contribute to this goal.