Chapter 1: The Nature of Our Desires

What do you truly seek in life? Is it democracy, wealth, companionship, influence, or security?

Recently, I came across an intriguing article that made me reflect on how our desires shape our actions. For example, someone who dreams of winning the lottery might find themselves buying tickets consistently. Alternatively, an individual aiming for wealth might resort to illegal activities, start a business, or chase fame.

One particularly striking aspect of the article was the story of a man who pursued various paths, believing they would lead him to fulfillment, yet he was left disappointed. He performed good deeds but felt underappreciated, leading to feelings of resentment and unhappiness.

This reminded me of a woman I knew in the early '90s. After donating clothes to a local synagogue, she was visibly upset when no one thanked her. I was taken aback and suggested that seeking gratitude wasn't necessary, but it seemed she didn't hear me as she continued to dwell on it for days.

Another memory comes to mind of a man named Patrick. While I was living in San Diego, he contacted me about a writing opportunity. We met at a coffee shop, where he outlined his needs for a website. Yet, he quickly shifted the conversation to a network marketing venture selling diet pills. Though I was disinterested, he handed me a contract to become a marketer.

He paid me $200 upfront, and I sent him some writing suggestions the next day. However, when I visited him at his office, he seemed more interested in discussing his financial struggles than the website. He had sold his luxury home to support a mayoral candidate who ultimately did not offer him any business in return. To my astonishment, he viewed this as a normal course of action.

The next day, he invited me back to discuss his ambitious plans. Despite his evident financial hardship, he asked me when I would start selling diet pills. Even though I was focused on writing, I said I would see if any friends were interested without expecting any commission.

Patrick called again, this time for a meeting with a group he claimed owned the website. I thought we were finally moving forward, but during the meeting, I was dismissed as "just the floozie" when I offered a suggestion.

When I got home, I calculated my expenses and realized that the $200 he had given me was already gone, and I needed another advance. I emailed him to express my frustration, but when I arrived at his place, he scolded me, and that marked the end of our collaboration.

Then there was Helen, who I met while attending classes at the University of London. Despite having two degrees, she struggled to find success in either field. I never understood why she pursued something she lacked talent in. She insisted that others were successful in those areas, and she wanted the same.

The common thread in these stories is that these individuals pursued specific desires, yet their actions did not align with achieving those goals.

Rene craved recognition, but there's no assurance that acts of kindness will yield gratitude. Patrick sought financial gain, yet attempting to bribe a government official does not guarantee success. Helen desired acknowledgment and success, but she lacked the skills required to achieve her ambitions.

Chapter 2: Understanding Our True Needs

The second video titled "What Do You Really Want? - Michael A. Singer" delves into the complexities of our desires and how they shape our lives, prompting viewers to reflect on their true aspirations.

I've often been content with what I have, primarily seeking safety and survival. Writing serves as an outlet for me, as it helps me process my thoughts and questions. This ongoing dilemma of why people engage in pursuits they dislike or are unqualified for has lingered in my mind recently.

So, what do you want?

Sometimes, we confuse our desires. In the early '80s, I read a book that suggested many people don’t truly desire wealth itself but rather what wealth symbolizes. For instance, someone might seek friendships they associate with wealthy individuals, assuming that financial success will lead to social connections.

It's worth pondering why we exhaust ourselves in jobs we are ill-suited for or pursue skills that may not lead to our desired outcomes.

What most of us genuinely want are simple, meaningful connections— a home, enjoyable friendships, leisure time, and fulfilling work that enriches our community. While these aspirations are attainable, they often lack glamour or recognition.

For example, I once knew a woman named Enid who baked exquisite cakes. Though she worked as a switchboard operator—a humble position—she found joy in her baking, which became a cherished part of her identity. Despite living modestly with her family, her side business brought her happiness and respect within her community.

So, what is it that we truly desire?

Do we yearn for democracy, or would a kind ruler suffice? Is it money we seek, or perhaps acknowledgment? Do we crave material items, or is it merely the compliments that accompany them?

It's unwise to blame external forces when our goals don't materialize as expected. In times of stress, particularly amid global challenges like Covid-19 and climate change, we must clarify our true desires. Simplicity is key, focusing on what genuinely matters and letting go of the rest.

If you feel inclined, I would appreciate your support through one-time or monthly contributions via Ko-fi or Patreon. As a 70-year-old woman with Asperger's and a passion for writing, I rely on this medium for my livelihood.